Talking to a "rookie"

I was approached with a message via recon about kinky stuff and limits by someone looking to get more into the kinky side of things, here are some highlights:

Reconer: Part of me wants to be restrained to learn what a Dom does. Part of me wants to be restrained because avoiding immediate gratification sounds fucking hot. And I'd like to learn to avoid and to learn how to tease and restrain others. 
I know there are ways to do it wrong. So I want to learn how to tie right. I hope that makes sense. 
I guess my question to you would be, what are the characteristics of good and bad Doms?

Me: Ok, that makes sense.
So really you want to know what makes a good and bad Dom?
This might take a bit of messages to hammer out, but I will start off with communication. It is really important for the Dom to know what the sub is comfortable doing, or how far the sub is willing to push limits. I have played around with a few Doms who didn't really realize that what they were doing wasn't exactly something I cared for, or after being tied up and gagged you can't seem to tell them that you are losing feeling in your right arm which is too tight, that sort of thing.
I will think a bit more, but is this sort of what you want?

Reconer: Yes. Exactly. So you are saying to set up the scene ahead of time. Don't gag your boy until you know the ties are right. Check in with him periodically to make sure it's all good.

Me: That is a good start, but you also need to work on whether the boy wouldn't want to know what is exactly going to happen or feel babied, some want the control taken away, so that is important to communicate.
It might be that you tell him you plan to tie him up and edge his cock, maybe having him suck you off or something, but really get an idea for what you might want to do and if anything, just play it safe based on their feedback.

Reconer: I'm not 100% sure I followed so let me rephrase. 
Ask the boy if he wants to set all parameters up front. If he does, follow them in an interesting and exciting way. 
If he wants to let go of control. Be forceful and respectful, pleasing each other. This seems the harder tack to take because it requires in-the-moment communication to make sure boundaries aren't being pushed too far.

Me: Yes, but the setting of some boundaries is paramount no matter what. When we get into play like that here is a lot of trust being played with as well, so it is important to know what each side wants or expects. Does that make sense?

Reconer: Yeah. It makes sense. I've even come up with some rules for getting started. I've found a couple of websites and a group that gets together.

That was pretty much the educational highlight, with more chatting happening around this, but

Bondage Vacation Massachusetts

So I was on a trip, where I was away from my boyfriend for 2 weeks, not long, but long enough to make me miss him and also get me horny.

Being in a new place with the chance to meet new people he allowed me to explore playing around with someone when I was out in Massachusetts. I was trying to arrange something during the weekend with anyone who would pay me mind and had enough references not to be a creeper. I was talking to two or three different people, and I met up with 2 of the three.

The first was bondageforme, a great guy that has had some great experiences in his life. I wasn't a huge fan of his photo-less profile (as that normally leads to insecure people who might be flaky), but he sent me them in a message as soon as I asked citing reasons enough for the lack of publicity. It was a great time, I have a few pictures, but the lighting was horrible where we played, and he didn't get a chance to get a variety of angles because of the limited space (stupid small hotel rooms!), but it was a great time!

Here are a few shots from that play session where I was mummified and played with, wearing this hot PVC thigh high hooker boots (which are harder to stand in then I thought!)

I also talked and met up with releasethekraken, who lead me around the city. We didn't play because I was having trouble with my boyfriend, who I thought was giving me the guilt trip about playing without permission,  but it was all a big misunderstanding. I felt like and idiot, but I later explained and releasethekraken understood.

I was also in talks to meet up with another, but they got held up with work one afternoon when we were planning to grab a drink and talk a bit. But maybe sometime in the future we could hang out, if I make it out there again, or if he makes it out here.

Overall, it was a hectic little trip, but it was nice to meet new people and explore a new place!

Just couldn't stay away...

So although I was taking a break for this, I still did see the comments that hit my email box about the last post and I kept thinking about what this means to me. It wasn't until this past week when I realized that people look to me as a source or information as much as random kinky acts described and detailed...

I have been chatting with a person or two from various fetish sites like Recon and GearFetish to name a few, and it has been enlightening to see the impact that I can have.

I have been asked some good questions and I will probably take time to document a conversation or two on here as it is really information everyone should read or have an idea of.

Stay tuned.