Blog Description

This is really a place for me to express my kinky side to all of those that would like to partake in it. Hopefully, it gives anyone in similar situations inspiration and drive to make things happen.

I know what it was like to feel different and not to have people nearby to talk to about some of it, but eventually you encounter those that help you out and educate you on the world you want to explore. So play safe!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Talking to a "rookie"

I was approached with a message via recon about kinky stuff and limits by someone looking to get more into the kinky side of things, here are some highlights:
Reconer: Part of me wants to be restrained to learn what a Dom does. Part of me wants to be restrained because avoiding immediate gratification sounds fucking hot. And I'd like to learn to avoid and to learn how to tease and restrain others. 
I know there are ways to do it wrong. So I want to learn how to tie right. I hope that makes sense. 
I guess my question to you would be, what are the characteristics of good and bad Doms?
Me: Ok, that makes sense.
So really you want to know what makes a good and bad Dom?
This might take a bit of messages to hammer out, but I will start off with communication. It is really important for the Dom to know what the sub is comfortable doing, or how far the sub is willing to push limits. I have played around with a few Doms who didn't really realize that what they were doing wasn't exactly something I cared for, or after being tied up and gagged you can't seem to tell them that you are losing feeling in your right arm which is too tight, that sort of thing.
I will think a bit more, but is this sort of what you want?
Reconer: Yes. Exactly. So you are saying to set up the scene ahead of time. Don't gag your boy until you know the ties are right. Check in with him periodically to make sure it's all good.
Me: That is a good start, but you also need to work on whether the boy wouldn't want to know what is exactly going to happen or feel babied, some want the control taken away, so that is important to communicate.
It might be that you tell him you plan to tie him up and edge his cock, maybe having him suck you off or something, but really get an idea for what you might want to do and if anything, just play it safe based on their feedback.
Reconer: I'm not 100% sure I followed so let me rephrase. 
Ask the boy if he wants to set all parameters up front. If he does, follow them in an interesting and exciting way. 
If he wants to let go of control. Be forceful and respectful, pleasing each other. This seems the harder tack to take because it requires in-the-moment communication to make sure boundaries aren't being pushed too far.
Me: Yes, but the setting of some boundaries is paramount no matter what. When we get into play like that here is a lot of trust being played with as well, so it is important to know what each side wants or expects. Does that make sense?
Reconer: Yeah. It makes sense. I've even come up with some rules for getting started. I've found a couple of websites and a group that gets together.
That was pretty much the educational highlight, with more chatting happening around this, but

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